Do You Want to Be a Better Christian?

John 15:4-5 (Jesus speaking) – “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”

“Better Christian.” Likely, you have either said this phrase yourself or heard it many times from others. Today I was half listening to the radio when I heard the phrase, and it sent me into introspective thought.

There are many good follow-up questions, such as how do you become a better Christian? Or what does a better Christian life look like? But for now, I will focus more on the motivation and mindset of the desire to be a better Christian and suggest that when we consider relationships of any kind, with man or with God, we might start replacing the word “better” with “closer.” What if instead of becoming a better husband or wife, a better friend, a better mother or father, we pursued being closer to our spouse, a closer friend, or closer to our children or other family members? What if instead of becoming a better Christian, we pursued simply being closer to our Lord and knowing His character? What if instead of seeking to love better, we sought to love closer, more intimately? I believe this reset in perspective and pursuit will make all the difference in the world.

When we resolve ourselves to be better at something, the truth is that the focus lies squarely on ourselves. We may want to be better for someone else’s benefit, but at the core of our action is a focus on ourselves. Furthermore, in order to feel progress or success, we will have to be analytical and judge whether or not we are better. This leads to a lot of self-focus. However, if instead we refine that desire and replace it with the desire to be closer in any relationship, we will find our focus squarely on the other person. To be closer to someone is to know them better, to perceive their heart, to share what matters to them. As we do this, our eyes, desires, and actions will turn outward. This is true of human relationships, just as it is true of our relationship with our Father, Creator, and Savior God.

The root of the desire “to be a better Christian” can actually be very good. To desire to be a better Christian is often derived from a conviction of incompletion or separation from God. It is a recognition and admission that we need to be changed. It is a desire to live out our lives as Christ, yet a realization that we currently are not doing that well. These are sound convictions that the Holy Spirit works in and through. The twist comes when we begin to focus on ourselves and our shortcomings, desiring to be better, when in reality our truest and deepest desire is simply to be closer. Closer to our holy God, loving Savior, and trustworthy Counselor.

After all, what is the outcome of a life lived in the pursuit of being a better Christian? Or a better anything? I will affirm that learning discipline, especially in spiritual things, is quite good and right; but it is the underlying mindset and approach that I am seeking to divide joints and marrow, truth and error, with the scalpel of the Word (Heb 4:12). Take for instance the desire to be a better husband. This may be lived out in any of a number of tangible ways. Perhaps a man desires to be a better husband and begins to buy his wife flowers on a regular basis. Perhaps he gives other gifts, acts of service, gives his time, offers words of love, or seeks to embrace more often. Whatever he does, as he sets out to be a better husband, he will likely succeed…at least for a little while. But if the desire to be a “better husband” does not meet up with a desire to be a closer husband, closer to his wife, then these languages of love will soon grow dull and meaningless. Months later, dozens of bouquets given without thoughtfulness, acts of service done begrudgingly, time spent with other things preoccupying the mind, repetitive words spoken, embraces given as the new “more” routine…if none of these things are of the heart, they are meaningless. What good are any of these actions that represent our perception of a “better husband” without growing nearer in relationship with your spouse? The true reality is that if we start with the desire to grow closer, we will find ourselves being better. If we grow closer with loved ones, spouses, friends, family, even co-workers, bosses and subordinates, or the man on the street…if we seek to grow closer to the individual, as we do grow closer, we begin to care for them better. And just as this is true in human relationships, it is true in our relationship with God.

Have you ever tried to please someone without knowing them well? It can be very difficult. Have you ever tried to please God (be a better Christian) without knowing Him well? It can be very difficult. “Without faith it is impossible to please God” (Heb 11:6). I will submit that without knowing God, it is impossible to have faith. For who has faith in something of which they know nothing about? Can I have faith that the sun will rise if I have no knowledge that it exists and no one has ever told me? Can I have faith that a light bulb will turn on if I’ve never known that it exists? Can I have faith that a seed will grow into a plant if I’ve never seen a plant or a seed, nor have I ever heard of such a thing? Ah, but upon hearing, I can begin to wonder. The power of revealing the truth of Christ to someone who does not know anything about Him! But to truly know our God, is to have faith. And to have faith, is to please our God. To please our God is, so to speak, to be a better Christian. Therefore, if our aim is to be better, our means is to know Him, to be closer to Him. And as we make that our aim and desire, our pursuit is no longer to be better afterall; yet, that is exactly what we become. When we grow closer to God, being “better” simply flows from the relationship. We must let go in order to apprehend. We must step back, to be brought forward. We must surrender in order to be set free. This is the way of our Lord, and how gracious is He to grant us the abundant blessing of knowing Him more closely.

If we set out to be better Christians, there exists a danger of our lives soon becoming all about works and less about faith. If our focus in on ourselves, we begin to strive to earn sanctification and even salvation through works. We did not start there…we were saved by grace and fully aware of it. We then desired to be changed and in our fleshly foolishness, sought to be better in order to get closer. But we have it backwards when we approach the Lord that way, for we can only be “better” by being closer, and being closer to our Lord is a far richer experience than any self-realization of being a “better Christian.”

Zech 13:9 - This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'"

Job 23:10 - But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Oh to be refined in the refiner’s fire! For the dross to be burned away! To come forth as pure gold! Let us willingly come before our Refiner, and let our desires to be better Christians melt away, "setting our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb 12:2). May we discard our pursuits of being better, and embrace the pursuit of being closer. May we do this in our marriages, our friendships, our families, our work environments, in everywhere we go. And may we do it unswervingly in an abiding relationship with our Father, Creator, Savior, Defender, Counselor God. Amen.

A Prayer Request: My Friend's Marriage

Tonight I was talking with a friend about the terrible ordeal he and his family are going through. He and his wife just signed divorce papers, and all that is left is to stand before the judge, the judge briefly surveys the paperwork, then grants the divorce. What’s worse is that he openly admits to living a life of slavery to sin until just 3 months ago when he felt God’s call, powerful and true, in that moment experienced spiritual and physical healing and is not looking back. He is new to Christ, and is eager to grow…this is obvious to anyone around him. His wife is a life-long church goer, and he has two kids. He feels the guilt of his past life and it stings as he thinks about the damage he has done to each affected party. This family is about to break up, based upon the result of being far from God and in a life of sin—yet at this moment, he is no longer the man that started down the path of divorce. Still, the seemingly unstoppable, momentous wheels are in motion to end their marriage officially and for good. He recognizes that God does not want this, and is willing and eager to rectify the relationship—but has little power and less vision on how to do that. He is somewhat resigned to their fate, though clinging to the smallest of seeds of hope that somehow God, not he himself, can save the marriage, and even more than that, whatever the outcome God can work his will and purpose for each of their lives, husband, wife, and children.

After we ended the conversation and went to our vehicles, I was understandably overcome with a desire to pray for him. As I prayed, I felt a rare conviction and passion for him and his marriage…even to the point of tears. I kept seeing his face in front of me, a newborn babe of God, in desperate need of the Father’s care and nourishment—how can we as babes in Christ live without intense nourishment and care from our Father? Here he is at a crossroads, yet he is such a babe in Christ. What broke my heart was that he is truly repentant! Repentant, seemingly too late to save a marriage that binds flesh to flesh and is a covenant before God (Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5-6, Mark 10:8-9, Eph 5:31). And he wants to salvage it for God, for his children and family, and lastly for himself. Oh Lord, would you please take him in your arms and guide him, direct him, comfort him, strengthen him, and fill him. He is in need of you, Lord! I know you are calling his name and that we know the name of our Good Shepherd (John 10:3-4). Please Lord let him and his wife hear your call.

As I continued my drive home, I had the radio turned to the local Christian station, 89.3 KSBJ. For some reason tonight, they had a pastor praying briefly. This is uncommon—I listen to this station nearly every day and have not often heard a segment where a guest pastor prays. But do you know what he was praying as I turned the volume up? His words were something like this: “Lord, we know that marriage is a covenant before you, from the old testament to the new and present day. It is an example of the covenants you have made with your people through the ages and with each of us today. It is good and holy in your sight. I pray that you take those marriages, each of those marriages that are hanging on the brink tonight Lord…this very night that you would strengthen those marriages and breathe life into them. In the power of your Holy Son’s name, amen.”

I was joyful upon hearing such a prayer, only minutes after my own. I knew that we prayed a prayer of agreement with God and between believers, even believers that had never met or even known of each others’ existence. I realized that hundreds, maybe thousands of people were praying this night for marriages to be saved and that each prayed for my friend and that we all prayed together for the same thing. We gathered together in God’s name, not necessarily in the same city, country, or continent even, yet together on this earth that God has created. “For where two or three gather in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” (Matt 18:20)

I continue to pray for my friend. His court date is next week. Will you please pray with me and with all other believers for them? Our prayers are pleasing to God, and “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” with God (James 5:16). We are not praying anything that God does not already want to do, and we are not changing His mind…we are choosing to delight Him with our prayers of agreement and share in His glory through this marriage. May His preferred will be done and His glory be shown in this and all things. In Jesus name, amen.

My Grandma: A Eulogy

This is the comfort you can have when your loved ones believe in Jesus Christ, or the comfort you can leave behind when you believe.

"A couple things strike me as I think about Grandma 'Tine. First, of course, are all the great memories of her…all the Thanksgivings and family get-togethers; spending a week on the farm every summer as a young kid: working with Grandpa during the day, a break at 10am for Price is Right, popcorn and sugar cookies, back outside, at some point a game of chess or checkers with Grandpa Bruce (he usually won, but not always!)…and usually some fantastic dinner prepared by Grandma, ever the capable cook. My favorite food was and still is Grandma’s chicken pie. =) I remember her playing the piano at church, I remember her wit and hilarious additions to the conversations around the house—“she left the south, but the south never left her!” I think each of us has our own fond memories, and we are blessed to have shared them with her and with each other.

But quickly, and rightly, my thoughts turn to Heaven. She is there now—do we fully realize that? She is there now and happier than ever. Our loss is her gain, so we can have joy through our sorrow as we realize that truth. As wonderful as her life on earth has been—look at the fruit of her life with Grandpa Bruce! Most of us here are the fruit of her life, either through pure genetics, or at least through the impact she has had on our lives, continues to have, and will continue to have. The Bible clearly says that when Grandma 'Tine married Grandpa Bruce, they became one flesh(1). After a long, fruitful marriage, a few years ago their flesh was separated by physical death. She was so strong to live on—to know her was to know her strength. Yet, as of this week, she is reunited with Grandpa Bruce, and even more gloriously, she is united with God in Heaven. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work…if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” A three-fold cord. I have heard marriage described as a cord that is threefold: husband, wife, and God. Well, today that three-fold cord is closer than ever, for all three reside together in the joy of Heaven.

I think that although she may not have consciously thought about it often, Grandma 'Tine has been awaiting this day for 89+ years. She is home now. And she has been a blessing in her time here with us. Until we join her in our eternal Home, let us live in a way that would honor her and honor our God."

1 – Genesis 2:24, Mathew 19:5, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31

Relationship with God: Courtship

As part of the singles demographic, I often get asked about dating or finding that special someone, especially by those in the married demographic. For those of us still single and out of college, this is a frequently raised subject, sometimes by ourselves, but often by others—and many of us get frustrated and wearied by the constant attention that we often feel is negative or annoying. Tonight I was out with several married couples…inevitably, my singleness became the topic of conversation. Sometimes it can be annoying, and sometimes it is actually flattering because they consider you approved for their friends. I realized that I hadn’t been seriously dating for quite a while and that I didn’t feel the familiar longing for dating that I had in the past. Singles, you know what I’m talking about…each of us has a fuse, some of us 1 week, some of us 1 year, but a timespan for which we haven’t been dating where we become alerted to our desire to be dating—without even thinking of a specific individual, we just desire to be dating someone we find appealing. But that feeling was more absent in me than expected, given the time that I have been single. And after some thought, I realize it is because God’s Word has taken that place in my life as of late.

Courtship is a concept that I am very fond of. I feel that courtship is really the only best approach to dating. Why are we dating, except to find someone that we should spend our lives with?—if you had the choice of dating your future wife or husband right now or dating several other people before finally dating your spouse—wouldn’t you choose just to do away with the other distractions, bad experiences, and destructive temptations that the others can bring? I think most would agree that it would be better to give ourselves to our spouses only and sooner rather than later. In a perfect world, each of us would court, marry, and even date only our one life-long spouse. Having never dated anyone but our spouse is impractical for most, including myself, because…well, it isn’t a perfect world and we don’t have perfect foresight and knowledge! The point is that when we enter our next relationship, I think courtship is the proper approach.

Courtship is the pursuit of another with the exploration and intent of life-long relationship. In most cases, this refers to dating and marriage. However, I think the broader definition has another application: our relationships with God. Think about it: what do you do if you are dating someone? You spend time with them, you share experiences, you share your most intimate thoughts and questions, you talk with them several times a week (or even daily), you give them your time and attention when you feel emotionally uplifted in doing so, and you give them time and attention at times when you don’t feel as emotionally driven…ultimately, you spend time and effort getting to know them better, and they are a priority. And you do so because you have a genuine interest in them, and they in you. I think this is a beautiful picture of our relationship with God, certainly as it should be. Perhaps we should look at our relationships with God and start courting Him—He is already pursuing us full-time and forever (Rom 8:35-39, 2 Chron 16:9).

If you’re single, perhaps focusing on your courtship with God will help ease your anxieties of singleness. You may one day look back at those brief single years (they may not feel brief at the time, but in the context of a lifetime, it may very well be brief) and cherish the growth of your relationship with God because you had more time and focus on Him (1 Cor 7:32-35). As we begin to lose focus on our current circumstances (i.e. singleness), we will find ourselves focused on God, our relationship with Him, and living out His purpose for us. Guess what? It’s at those times that we will have peace instead of anxiety, joy instead of depression, patience instead of frustration, and love instead of selfishness. And guess what else? In those times we will be more in line with God’s preferred will for our lives, His perfect plan, and if we are to be married, we are more on track to finding that special someone than ever. For those of us who have longer to wait, then we have still found God’s best for our lives in this very moment—relationship with Him lived out in our daily lives.

For those who are dating or even those who are married: Courtship of God is just as valid as ever. There is no limit to the courtship and relationship we can have with God. The paragraphs above may allude to a spiritual advantage, due to more time to focus on God during singleness—this is not the main point. The single person has an opportunity to channel that “loneliness” and find purpose through it. But courtship of God is never ending—it is by the definition given here “the pursuit of another with the exploration and intent of life-long relationship.” Lifelong. That means that the relationship never stops growing and deepening with time. There is no limit to it, it is boundless—our relationship with God as tall, wide, and deep as His love for us—perfect, unquantifiable, and eternal (Eph 3:17-19). And marriage does offer a unique perspective that can deepen our relationship with God in a new dimension.

So this week (and every week thereafter) let’s commit to renewed courtship of God. Let’s apply what we know about loving other humans, especially that special one that we love or will love more than any other, to our relationship with God. Let’s commit to:

- Spend time with Him
- Share your daily experiences with Him
- Share your most intimate thoughts and questions with Him
- Talk with Him several times a week (even daily, even constantly – 1 Thess 5:17, Eph 6:18)
- Give Him your time and attention when you are emotionally moved
- Give Him your time and attention when you are not emotionally driven
- Make the effort to get to know Him better
- Make Him a priority

Through this I believe you will find a genuine interest in Him, especially as you begin to realize His genuine interest in you. He loves you more than any other—more than you’ve ever loved someone and more than anyone ever has or will love you. You and our fellow Christians are His bride (Eph 5:2-32, 2 Cor 11:2, Rev 21:1-4)—courtship is not just appropriate, it is essential.