Spiritual Exhaustion and Starvation – My Personal Testimony

Have you ever had this thought: “If only I didn’t have to take the time to eat and sleep, I’d have plenty of time to do all of these other things I need to do.” I had that thought today, and looking back, I chuckle at it a bit.

Sometimes I get so busy with work and life that I start to lose sleeping hours and scarcely have time to prepare a proper meal for myself. So I end up sleep deprived and eating way too much fast food or other prepared foods—I just don’t have time to do it all. Example: today I was called into work at 5:30am (on a Sunday). The Lord answered my prayer that I would be able to leave work in time to get to church. After church, I had plans to eat, go for a run (I’m training for a 10k), come back to clean my apartment because I found out this morning that I’ll be hosting our men’s group gathering on Tuesday, then off to a friend’s Superbowl party that will finish off the night. You may say, “wow, that’s a lot!” However, this can often be a typical day, and I know that your life may get so busy from time to time. My conviction came when I was leaving Chipotle with my to-go order (side note: I love Chipotle and it’s worth going when I’m not short on time!). I got my food so lightning quick that I was in a very pleasant frame of mind as I thought the following thoughts: “Wow, that was so quick and I needed it to be quick today. If only I didn’t have to take the time to eat at all, or to sleep. If somehow my body could be nourished and given energy by some other means, I’d have so much more time!”

Now, of course those are just thoughts and don’t make any practical sense. My thoughts weren’t based upon sincerely considering them to be possible—they were simply the natural progression of my mind in time-management mode.

Here is the revelation: do we ever treat our spiritual lives the same way? My thoughts regarding going without food and sleep for any length of time are absurd. Sure, for a short time you can do one or both, but eventually we will need both and need them consistently in order to just stay alive, let alone live a healthy life.

We do the same thing when we consider that we are so busy that we don’t have time to read the Word or pray. Realize that the Word of God is our spiritual bread and water. Jesus speaks many times of himself being the living water and bread of life: “And Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.’ (John 6:35)” To eat and drink of Christ is to believe in Him as the perfect Son of God, coming in the flesh, who bore our sin, setting us free and unto eternal life, and to partake of His Spirit. It is to make Him such a part of our bodies that we are an extension of His very self in this world. We do this by confessing we are a sinner, accepting Him as our Savior and receiving the Holy Spirit to indwell us, having “fellowship in His sufferings” (Phil 3:12-12, Rom 8:17), living obediently as ambassadors for Christ, and going to the Bible often. John writes that “the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us, (John 1:14)” referring to Jesus. So we see that if Jesus is our spiritual food and is the Word of God, that God’s Word in the Bible is a source of nourishment for our souls.

Additionally, we are to rest in our Lord and Savior. Jesus said in Matt 11:28, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” How is he to give us rest? When I think of rest, I think of comfort and of relaxation…a place undisturbed, a quiet place…a time where I don’t have to be working hard on anything, and a place of familiarity such as my home. So perhaps going to God in prayer and experiencing rest in Jesus means that He is my comfort and a place of peace and quiet. Perhaps I should get to know Him such that prayer is a place of familiarity and being with Him is like being home. Perhaps resting in Him is where I realize that I do not have to do the hard work—that my salvation is His great gift and He loves me, and I can simply be in His presence, just Him and me.

But what if we lived our physical lives the way that all too many of us live our spiritual lives? How often have you read His Word this week, this month? How often have you prayed and rested in Him? What if I went an entire month on 4 meals and slept only 2 nights? I would likely die or collapse and have to be hospitalized. What if I carried on this way for years? Our bodies would obviously fail us under those conditions. Don’t you think that spiritual lives will be taken to the point of death in the same manner if we are so starved of the Word and of prayer and resting in Him? I think we too often experience these spiritual hunger pains and exhaustion and fail to take action.

Look around—I see frail Christian bodies in the masses of Christians around the world. Spiritual bodies that are gaunt, with skin stretched over ribs, knobby joints, legs that can barely stand, arms that cannot carry their own weight. We are a malnourished culture of Christians in the United States. Take heart, for there are many who stand strong with the full armor of God and spiritual bodies that are growing with the might of Samson. Additionally, many of us are as adolescents with growing bodies and new spiritual muscles all the time. But how long have you merely sat in church, living on that single spiritual “meal” per week? I’ll tell you that I have gone years with that meager nourishment from the Word and perhaps even less rest in His presence. It left me feeble—interestingly, both spiritually and physically, as I was stricken with a disease that nearly took my life. In that time I had lost 40 pounds from a frame that was at my ideal weight. My condition took my entire appetite away and anything that I did actually eat did not strengthen my body as it would a healthy body. This entire experience happened to coincide with the greatest emotional trial I had ever experienced as I worked through the ending of a long-term relationship, making my despair feel complete both physically and emotionally. One day, I got to the point where I was lying on the couch and a pack of crackers was on the table in front of me. I hadn’t eaten in almost two days. I had just slept 14 hours and still barely made it across my apartment from my bed to my couch. I had the slightest desire to eat just 1 or 2 crackers, but I decided that it wasn’t worth the energy to lean forward 12 inches to get them—my body was utterly exhausted, depleted, and failing. Thank the Lord that my mother and I spoke on the phone moments later, and her plea for me to go to the emergency room, combined with what must have been the Lord’s hand on me, gave me the energy to get up and drive down the street to the hospital.

Up to that moment and for months afterward, I experienced the worst pain in my life daily, even hourly. There were things happening in my body that might horrify you—things that unless you are a doctor or someone with medical knowledge, you wouldn’t even think were possible. I remember the night that I prayed the most sincere prayer I have probably ever prayed: “Lord, would you please kill me and let me die?” I knew what would await me upon death: Heaven. I wanted to no longer struggle with this physical body—I so desired to shed it and go to the peace of Heaven. I prayed with sincerity on my bed before falling asleep and truly believed that I would not wake up in the morning, very hopefully expecting to open my eyes in Heaven. But God did not let me die then. I knew in the days that followed that God as my Father desires His children to join Him at home, yet He knows that it is best for both us and His kingdom that we remain here for a time. Similar to a mother or father who’s child has gone overseas to serve the Lord as a missionary—if the parents love their child second to God, they will desire that the child come back home to them, but they would see that it was the Lord’s will for the child to remain at a distance for the time being. And if that child beckoned them to allow a homecoming, the parents would surely agree immediately! So I realized that God heard my cry and desired me to come Home; yet He left me here, and He would only do so if it was best for both Him and me. Additionally, since I could not come “Home,” but He had the means to come to where I am, He would surely do so. So I rested knowing that in my cry for God to let me die, He left me here for a purpose—one that He had in mind for me specifically—and that He would be with me here. Friends, I am not different than any of you—I speak not of some special purpose for me that is unavailable to you and only available to a few. I speak of the fact that we each have a specific purpose for God in this very life and in our everlasting lives in His Kingdom to come.

From the point of going to the emergency room forward, there was a long recovery for my body. I do not know how I made it through, except for the Lord’s presence in my life. Through the experience, I learned what it was to NEED our God. Through the physical and emotional trial, I learned my NEED of a Savior for my sinful soul and of His deep love for me. When no one could comfort me, my God did. When no rest from the pain could be found, rest was found in time with Him. When I could muster no strength of my own, I was sustained by His Word. This was a powerful experience that I will never forget, and I learned the importance of being nourished by God’s Word and the power of resting in Him through prayer. Since that time, my body has been completely restored, perhaps even healthier than before the trial—Praise God alone for this!

I want to encourage you today: feed yourself! Get rest! I should take my own advice and apply it physically. But even more importantly than that, I pray that we would do it for our souls. We are hungry, my friends, and require daily nourishment. We are in need of rest, and require daily re-energizing. Let’s take the initiative to find both nourishment and rest where we know it resides: in God’s Word and in His presence through prayer. Let’s not live starved lives any longer—let’s build our frail frames into strength in Christ. Let’s not live in a state of utter exhaustion any longer—let’s give rest to our weary and heavy laden souls through our comforter, Christ. Let’s make Him our home. In our homes we recharge with food and rest; let’s make Him our home and live in Him daily, inviting Him to live within us perpetually. Times will still get tough and our energy will still wane, but in those times we need even more spiritual “calories” and rest! In my time of physical need, I was spurred onward by another by the Lord’s hand and found help that led to a new healthy body—I pray that today you are spurred onward to seek help where we both know it resides. I knew to go to the emergency room, and I learned to go to the Word and prayer. Whatever your physical needs, I know we are equally needy of the spiritual nourishment and rest that comes only through real relationship with Jesus Christ. Let’s never forget what He has done for us, what we’ve been saved from, and where our livelihood truly resides—in Christ alone. Amen.

In encourage you to meditate upon the lyrics of “In Christ Alone,” in light of the thoughts above:

In Christ Alone
by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

IN CHRIST ALONE my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! – who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!