I feel that the Lord is teaching me more about relationships…with Him and with each other. One recent epiphany concerns things unsaid, undiscovered, hidden, whether purposefully or unintentionally. When considering relationships among humans or with our Father in Heaven, we typically focus on what is seen or known. We define relationship by what is…by what exists…I will call this a “positive” definition, in that it is fabricated from what is known (proof by its presence). However, a useful exercise as well as potentially the source of better definition, is considering “omission,” in that it is fabricated from what is not known or not present (proof by its absence). We know much of what our relationships with God and each other are supposed to contain. There are many more attributes to consider that I will not list here, but with our Savior, let’s limit our focus to faith, hope, and love…and principally love, since “the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:13).
1 Cor 13:4-7 – “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
In 1 Corinthians 13, we see love fairly well defined by positively present attributes, as well as the absence or omission of other attributes that are therefore the opposite of love.
Positive attributes that define godly love: Patience, kindness, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love as defined by the absence of these attributes: envy, pride, rudeness, self-seeking, provokable, evil thinking, deception.
It’s interesting that equally as many proofs of love by positively present behaviors are highlighted as are proofs via behaviors that are absent. Thus, considering both what healthy relationship SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be is worthwhile.
Therefore today, I would like to issue a word of warning about the unseen in your relationships, for what is unseen is just as important as what is seen. What defines your relationship with our Lord? Is it something He has done for you? Is it something you have done for Him? Is it something that He has not done for you or that you have not done for Him? Or is it perhaps much deeper than that? More importantly, as you stand here today, what is still keeping you from a deeper relationship with your God? Search your heart and see. Likely, it will be something absent as much as anything present.
We are apt to call out sin in our lives as the answer to the question above, “What is still keeping you from a deeper relationship with your God?” We would be correct, for we know that sin is defined as the separation from a Holy God. However, perhaps it is something we are lacking in our relationship with the Lord that is actually leading us into temptation and sin. Perhaps the root of our sin isn’t anything present at all, but is instead something we’re lacking. An illustration to clarify what I am attempting to explore together:
As a chemical engineer, I know that it takes three things to cause an explosion: fuel, oxygen, and a heat source. Furthermore, the fuel and oxygen must be in the right proportions for the heat source to initiate the violent and destructive chemical reaction known as an explosion. In the manufacturing environment, great care is taken to understand the atmospheres where a heat source or potential spark could be present. As long as the fuel/oxygen content is outside the limits for which an explosion is possible, any heat source is manageable. On the other side of things, as long as there is no heat source, then any mixture is manageable. And of course, we seek to control each of these things in the event of an unexpected failure, in order to preserve the least likelihood of an explosion. Even still, industrial accidents happen.
You can relate this analogy to relationships of all kinds. Our natural interaction with others produces an atmosphere of the relationship (fuel and oxygen). Our experiences and wounds also help to produce this atmosphere. I think you’ll agree that there are those in our lives that produce an explosive atmosphere when we are together! Also, there are those that bring safety and security, eliminating explosive atmospheres. Furthermore, as much as we try to make everything smooth and control disturbances to our relationships, life will bring frequent heat sources into our relational atmospheres. This is a guarantee. It is good to avoid striking a match when we have detected an explosive atmosphere. In that situation, if we purposefully light off the explosion, we are responsible. However, there will be many times when something completely external to the relationship lights a match and we are left picking up the pieces. But the final situation that I want to consider is when we hold the match in our hand, either unknowingly, or knowingly but seemingly benignly because we have misestimated the atmosphere of our relationship.
Have you ever walked into a conversation with something new and exciting only to see the conversation immediately deteriorate into a full-blown confrontation (think of close relationships)? What happened? We mis-estimated the atmosphere. If you walk into a normal room with a match, it burns for a couple seconds and goes out. If you walk into a room standing next to an open container of gasoline, you might just get the shock of your life as the vapors ignite. The point is that the atmosphere dictates the outcome of the “match.” Often these “matches” are much more significant in our relationships. Perhaps you just lost your job or are considering a different location that would require your family to move. Perhaps you want to place your children in a different school or activity. Perhaps you’re considering a different church. Perhaps it is holiday planning. Whatever the specific “match,” the atmosphere of your relationships will determine the outcome in that relationship.
All this to say: take a survey of your relational atmospheres. Take a survey of the atmosphere in your relationship with friends, spouses, children. And if you do none of those, be sure to take a survey of your relational atmosphere with your Creator and Father God. When something unexpected comes up, do you find yourself angry with God or have feelings that God is angry with you? The problem is not the unexpected circumstance (the “match"); the problem is the relational atmosphere. What is being unsaid between you and your Father currently? I know that in my experience with human relationships, the unsaid has been the source of more issues than what is said. Communication is your atmospheric detector. Pray to the Lord your God and let the Holy Spirit search you out and convey to you the pitfalls in your current understanding of our perfect God. Let the Holy Spirit respond in your prayers to cultivate the atmosphere of love between you and your Savior. And as the next “match” is lit, you will find yourself and your relationship with God responding in an entirely different manner.
Finally, the things that cause an explosion to be dangerous and undesirable are the same things that have great value when utilized in the way they are designed. For instance, the right combination of the same fuel, oxygen, and heat source leads to heating your home. Furthermore, your vehicle’s engine is powered by many well-controlled “mini-explosions.” Therefore, even the fuel and the oxygen are not the problem, nor the “match,” but the ability to utilize them in a manner that is constructive instead of destructive. Likewise, every current circumstance, every past wound or experience, and every interaction with your Lord and Savior, can be redeemed and be the very thing that propels you forward with our Lord this very day. The critical element is the Holy Spirit within us who call Jesus Christ our Lord. Without Him, these very same circumstances and interactions will serve to destroy our lives and relationships, with our fellow-man and loved ones, as well as God. The Holy Spirit is the difference.
Romans 5:3-5 – “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
You will not be able to control the “matches” that ignite flames in your life. You will not be able to control the relational atmospheres in your life. Try as you might, and as well managed as your life may be at times, you will not be able to control these things. Explosions are coming in your relationships. What certainty do we have that we will even survive them, much less that they would be used for the good of all who are touched by them? Only in the Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit do we have hope…a hope that does not disappoint. I encourage you, whoever you are and whatever state your relationship with our God is in, seek Him today, invite Him to permeate your relationships, and trust Him to do the physically unattainable, and draw you closer to our one, holy, true God. Amen.

