A Psalm to My God

"I feel so alone. Yet I am not alone. Lord, You turn loneliness into inspiration for action. I feel helpless, but I am not. I am more than helped—by my Father I am carried when I cannot stand and watched with joy when I can.

Is my life purpose not to abide in God? It is. To be one with Him, that is all. Everything else falls out from that. To be one with you, Lord, is to love. To be one with You is to be saved from sin. To be one with You is to hear the Spirit and act. To be one with You is contentment when there is not another soul to comfort me and when there is no immediate call to action.

To be one with you, Lord, is to have knowledge of You, which is Your Word. To be one is to grieve when You grieve, burning with passion for the lost and helpless. To be one is to be moved to the core, and to be one is to be content when there is no experience of inner movement to speak of.

Simply put, to be one with you, Lord, is to be content in all situations, not by indifference or ignorance, but by the peace of Your presence.

Your presence, my God, is felt differently in me every day. I cannot demand to feel You in one way or another—for You are already there. Instead, I must ask to have my eyes opened to Your presence this very moment. When I receive You in this attitude, I know what awaits me: receiving and experiencing that which I did not know in the moments beforehand. If I do not know contentment in this moment, Your movement, Lord, is peace. If I do not know direction, Your movement will be wisdom. If I do not feel fully alive, Your movement will be passion and conviction. If I do not know freedom, Your movement will be salvation. If I do not know truth, Your movement will be knowledge and discernment. If I do not know confidence, Your movement will be strength. If I do not know happiness, Your movement will be joy.

Your movement is exactly what I lack in this very moment. I will seek Your face, Lord, and receive what I most need—none greater than Your very presence.

When inspiration fades, what do I do? When disappointment and setback strike, what do I do? When I fall into a directionless wondering, what do I do? When there is no experiential sensation, what do I do? When I am tired and rejected and lonely and dying inside, what do I do? When I have no vision for what is immediately next, much less what I must do in the future, what do I do?

I will step into Your presence and come boldly before Your throne in prayer. I will do whatever I have to do in that very moment to bring my gaze squarely and intently on You, my God. I will do it and let nothing get in the way. Your presence beckons me, and I’ve found that You were there all the time…and I do not beckon Your presence so much as Your presence beckons me and I simply open to You. I am yours, my Lord, and only Your presence will sustain me. Amen.”