Acknowledging the Inner Conflict – Time with God

I try in my best moments to read the Bible and pray every day as much as possible. The measure of how well I actually accomplish this is not the point of the discussion—if I never keep this commitment, it may seem as though what I’m about to write cannot come from such a person, but of course it can, for I have been that man…if I always keep this commitment, it may appear that what I’m about to describe is not as big of a deal for me as it sounds, but of course it is (though, I have yet live up to “always”). The point is that wherever I am on the spectrum of keeping this daily commitment, the inner conflict is true, and I think recognizing the conflict is a key and powerful step to overcoming it, fighting the Devil head on, and running to God.

My favorite time of any day when I have taken some time to spend with God in prayer and sincere consideration of His Word, whether briefly or for an extended period of time, is the time spent in the Word and prayer, without exception. I find this spectacular. And knowing this, you would think that I would look forward every day to engaging in this relationship time with God. Though at times it is my inspiration and number one priority throughout a day, more often I actually become hesitant to begin or “launch in,” even when I’ve been looking forward to it. And this is almost without fail, as well. At first I didn’t understand it. If I know what an amazing blessing this time of prayer and revelation through the Scripture is to me every single time, how could I start to debate with myself (or with God, perhaps) before starting most days? “Well, I’m tired,” or “I’m too busy,” or "I just want to relax.” But then I remembered Paul’s and Peter’s words about the flesh and the Spirit warring against each other and recognized the battlefield in my mind—yes, the war of Good and Evil in my very own mind and likely in yours, as well.

Gal 5:17 – “For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

1 Pet 2:11 – “Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul,”

Romans 7:21-25 - “So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (read v. 14-26 for even more depth in Paul’s communication)

At this point, we become better equipped to “fight the good fight” (1 Tim 1:18, 1 Tim 6:12, 2 Tim 4:7) that is ultimately spiritual in nature by gearing up with God:

Eph 6:11-13 – “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (for more on the armor of God, read Eph 6:10-20)

I relate this fight to the following example:

There is an elementary concept in chemistry called “activation energy.” Simply put, it is the minimum energy input required to induce a given chemical reaction. It’s almost like an investment—you put money in a good investment, then you get even more back. Many chemical reactions take an initial “boost” of energy, then the kinetics and thermodynamics take over and the reaction goes without any more added energy. I have found this concept extremely relevant to everyday life since it was introduced to me in high school and more deeply examined in college. And my personal prayer and Bible study life is no exception. It’s like if I’ll just provide the initial spark, or activation energy, to get the Bible study or prayer time with God started, then He takes over with no more energy input from me…and this chemistry is very energetic! But the Devil would have me say, “I know how much time and energy and focus that would take tonight, and I don’t feel like it tonight.” Ah yes, from the outside looking in it always appears that way—always. Before you approach God in prayer it will feel like you have a great distance to go…for until you are willing to take the slightest of steps to inch towards God, you have no idea He is right there on your hip, at your side—and get this, even inside you right now.

1 Cor 3:16 – “Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?” (see also 1 Cor 6:19, Romans 8:9)

We only activate the spiritual reaction by turning our hearts and minds towards Him and suddenly we realize He was there all along. And guess what? Do you know that there is no greater peaceful and restful time of the day for me? Now, I may be absolutely mentally engaged (which I love when I have the energy) and praying with all my spiritual, emotional, and physical might…I may be expending tremendous energy and focus and even time…yet I am never more peaceful and actually restful than in this time near God. That is a paradox to the physical man (which includes you and me), for it is only realized through the Holy Spirit, whom we know is “with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt 28:20). Only with God could a time of intense energy and focus be restful and peaceful—this is an inkling of a supernatural movement in us, and it is available to each and every one who comes to God in sincere prayer or Bible study.

I encourage you, whatever you feel like to this point in the day or to the point where you are having that argument with yourself or even God on whether or not you will engage in prayer or Bible study—take a leap of faith and just “launch in.” Make yourself focus with all you have for just 5 minutes and just see what kind of a reaction the Holy Spirit will have within you. After all, we played the smaller part, only the activation energy—yet it was critical for the entire process to even take place. I think this applies to much of our relationships with God—He requires so little—mostly just acknowledgement of Him as God and Jesus His Son who by human death has pardoned our terrible sin in order to bring us to oneness with Him in Heaven and on earth in love—we just acknowledge Him and this as truth, and the rest is His work. Along the way, our gratitude makes us want to do more than just acknowledge Him—we begin to want to serve Him, to learn to love Him, whatever that means or looks like, and again we approach Him with the simple desire and He does the greater movement—He brings the Holy Spirit, God Himself, within us and renews a heart we could not renew and places such opportunities in front of us to love Him with growing love, as “He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Embrace this passion and it will change you forever...for the good. I have 100% confidence in this, and you can, too. If you have not accepted Christ, I encourage you to sincerely consider Him today—seek Him out, find out more about Him, find someone who knows Him and cares about you, and give Jesus a shot with you. If you already know Christ, simply dedicate yourself entirely to Him for 5 minutes today…just 5 minutes…all of you, entirely His, and see if He does not come right to you and give you a “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Phil 4:6-7). In time, you’ll begin to notice that the new Resident within you has some glorious plans for His new home—You, God, and even those around you will be pleased with the renovation. We can simply break the ground with a shovel full of dirt, and God tears down the old house that was our sinful selves, building a new one of great splendor that is eternal. Amen.