Relationship with God: Courtship

As part of the singles demographic, I often get asked about dating or finding that special someone, especially by those in the married demographic. For those of us still single and out of college, this is a frequently raised subject, sometimes by ourselves, but often by others—and many of us get frustrated and wearied by the constant attention that we often feel is negative or annoying. Tonight I was out with several married couples…inevitably, my singleness became the topic of conversation. Sometimes it can be annoying, and sometimes it is actually flattering because they consider you approved for their friends. I realized that I hadn’t been seriously dating for quite a while and that I didn’t feel the familiar longing for dating that I had in the past. Singles, you know what I’m talking about…each of us has a fuse, some of us 1 week, some of us 1 year, but a timespan for which we haven’t been dating where we become alerted to our desire to be dating—without even thinking of a specific individual, we just desire to be dating someone we find appealing. But that feeling was more absent in me than expected, given the time that I have been single. And after some thought, I realize it is because God’s Word has taken that place in my life as of late.

Courtship is a concept that I am very fond of. I feel that courtship is really the only best approach to dating. Why are we dating, except to find someone that we should spend our lives with?—if you had the choice of dating your future wife or husband right now or dating several other people before finally dating your spouse—wouldn’t you choose just to do away with the other distractions, bad experiences, and destructive temptations that the others can bring? I think most would agree that it would be better to give ourselves to our spouses only and sooner rather than later. In a perfect world, each of us would court, marry, and even date only our one life-long spouse. Having never dated anyone but our spouse is impractical for most, including myself, because…well, it isn’t a perfect world and we don’t have perfect foresight and knowledge! The point is that when we enter our next relationship, I think courtship is the proper approach.

Courtship is the pursuit of another with the exploration and intent of life-long relationship. In most cases, this refers to dating and marriage. However, I think the broader definition has another application: our relationships with God. Think about it: what do you do if you are dating someone? You spend time with them, you share experiences, you share your most intimate thoughts and questions, you talk with them several times a week (or even daily), you give them your time and attention when you feel emotionally uplifted in doing so, and you give them time and attention at times when you don’t feel as emotionally driven…ultimately, you spend time and effort getting to know them better, and they are a priority. And you do so because you have a genuine interest in them, and they in you. I think this is a beautiful picture of our relationship with God, certainly as it should be. Perhaps we should look at our relationships with God and start courting Him—He is already pursuing us full-time and forever (Rom 8:35-39, 2 Chron 16:9).

If you’re single, perhaps focusing on your courtship with God will help ease your anxieties of singleness. You may one day look back at those brief single years (they may not feel brief at the time, but in the context of a lifetime, it may very well be brief) and cherish the growth of your relationship with God because you had more time and focus on Him (1 Cor 7:32-35). As we begin to lose focus on our current circumstances (i.e. singleness), we will find ourselves focused on God, our relationship with Him, and living out His purpose for us. Guess what? It’s at those times that we will have peace instead of anxiety, joy instead of depression, patience instead of frustration, and love instead of selfishness. And guess what else? In those times we will be more in line with God’s preferred will for our lives, His perfect plan, and if we are to be married, we are more on track to finding that special someone than ever. For those of us who have longer to wait, then we have still found God’s best for our lives in this very moment—relationship with Him lived out in our daily lives.

For those who are dating or even those who are married: Courtship of God is just as valid as ever. There is no limit to the courtship and relationship we can have with God. The paragraphs above may allude to a spiritual advantage, due to more time to focus on God during singleness—this is not the main point. The single person has an opportunity to channel that “loneliness” and find purpose through it. But courtship of God is never ending—it is by the definition given here “the pursuit of another with the exploration and intent of life-long relationship.” Lifelong. That means that the relationship never stops growing and deepening with time. There is no limit to it, it is boundless—our relationship with God as tall, wide, and deep as His love for us—perfect, unquantifiable, and eternal (Eph 3:17-19). And marriage does offer a unique perspective that can deepen our relationship with God in a new dimension.

So this week (and every week thereafter) let’s commit to renewed courtship of God. Let’s apply what we know about loving other humans, especially that special one that we love or will love more than any other, to our relationship with God. Let’s commit to:

- Spend time with Him
- Share your daily experiences with Him
- Share your most intimate thoughts and questions with Him
- Talk with Him several times a week (even daily, even constantly – 1 Thess 5:17, Eph 6:18)
- Give Him your time and attention when you are emotionally moved
- Give Him your time and attention when you are not emotionally driven
- Make the effort to get to know Him better
- Make Him a priority

Through this I believe you will find a genuine interest in Him, especially as you begin to realize His genuine interest in you. He loves you more than any other—more than you’ve ever loved someone and more than anyone ever has or will love you. You and our fellow Christians are His bride (Eph 5:2-32, 2 Cor 11:2, Rev 21:1-4)—courtship is not just appropriate, it is essential.