The Power of Redemption - Part 1

When is the last time that you looked at your life and were overwhelmed by the following attribute of God: Redeemer.

Redemption is the reclaiming as good, something that was bad. It is a reversal in esteem. We watch an athlete make a mistake that might cost the team the game, then later we see the same athlete make a play that wins the game for the team and we say, “He redeemed himself!” Yes he did. But what about the times when we just can’t redeem ourselves? What if the game was already over…the deal sealed…helpless to change the outcome ourselves? This is our plight as sinners, for our sinfulness, no matter how infrequent or distant past, has sealed our fates to be eternally separated from God (likely, it is more frequent and not-so distant past). That is, until God made a way through His Son Jesus Christ. Therefore, redemption is in the center of our relationship as sinners with a holy God.

Redemption is more than just forgiveness of sins. It’s more than being saved. It starts there but doesn’t finish there—what follows salvation and forgiveness of sins makes redemption doubly powerful. Think of it—the very same human, the same life, even the very consequences of sin—being made the very things that glorify God and bring joy to the one who was once downtrodden and separated from God by that sin. Not that sin is to be glorified as the cause to the observed effect: glory to God and joy in the heart of the sinner in a life-path once guided by the consequence of sin. No, if it stopped with sin as the only cause to the observed effect, then the end result would be Hell and it would feel as though the life that followed sin’s consequences was Hell creeping into the sinner’s earthly life. This is the life of the unrepentant sinner apart from God.

Upon sinning, our lives immediately change. We fall out of God’s preferred will, which was such splendid intimate relationship with Him, free from the smallest spot of sin. If upon sinning we were to fall to a lesser path and live the life of consequences without the element of redemption entering in, our lives would be an ever-increasing fall into despair and departure from God’s good plans for our lives. But when the same sinner confesses Jesus Christ as their Savior, a truly remarkable thing happens.

Christ is our Savior first, and also our Redeemer. This means that once we have sinned and departed from His path, He not only saves us from Hell, but He restores us to right relationship with Him. The paths our lives take from that moment onward suddenly have purpose that they didn’t have without Him. And remarkably, the consequences that flow from our now blotted out sins become the very things that glorify God.

Here is a personal example. I was once involved in a long-term relationship that we expected to result in marriage. Somewhere in the middle we strayed and the poison of sin in its various forms choked righteous pursuit of God out. The relationship ended with two emotionally shaken people, left in the wake of sinful, self-centered attitudes of children of God who forgot what it was to be set apart for His purpose. If you’ve ever been a part of a relationship that ended because of the mistreatment of each other, you know the feeling of guilt. And if you are a child of God, then the Holy Spirit will convict you of your sin and you will begin to see that you are suffering the consequences in your emotionally shaken state. At this point you may despair of “what could have been, if I’d only followed God!” Indeed. But here is where God’s redemption casts a new hue on the entire portrait of our lives.

(Note on relationships: if you have stopped pursuing God together as #1, there is a serious problem in your relationship. Regardless of what wonderful thing is your focus, even if it is perceived as godly--missions, leadership, family, etc--if pursuit of God falls from your #1 purpose in and of itself, a rift is forming between you and God. I encourage you to recognize it and stop it. For the sake of your earthly relationships, sure, but even more for your relationship with Christ.)

In this example, I expected to be married some years ago. The relationship ended as we lost focus on God, and I later saw the error of my ways. I thought, “now I’m on the plan B path…the aftermath…the life of consequences of sin.” I knew that Jesus was my Savior and that was a comfort. But what about the specifics of my life to come? How could I live, knowing that because of my sin, I forfeited God’s first chosen plan for my life? Well, first of all, I can’t actually make that claim—what God’s chosen plan for my life was or is specifically—but in that moment, this was my feeling (and you may have felt the same way before).

Fast forward 3 years. As a single adult, several opportunities have come my way that could have only happened in the life of singleness. I was introduced to a church small group for singles, of which I later became the leader for 1.5 years—a time of amazing relationship building with both my group members and my Savior. Through one member, I was introduced to another church and their singles ministry, where I was introduced to a mission organization that I went to India with. Through this organization, I have found a new passion and role in God’s kingdom to help rescue, protect, and empower vulnerable children exposed to human trafficking. Additionally, I was given the opportunity to continue to help this organization that brings Christ to a nation that is only 3% Christian (As Our Own, see also blog label "As Our Own"). Furthermore, I now have an amazing network of single men and women that I love, and God continues to use me right where I am…in this “plan B life”…a life that I love and wouldn’t trade for my once perceived “plan A life.” In fact, if these events hadn’t happened, this entire blog probably wouldn’t exist and you wouldn't be reading this—or at least the posts would be very much different. When I trace it all back, every cause and effect as seen by the human eye, I marvel at the power of an amazing attribute of our God—Redeemer. Only by His redeeming power could my life be this rich, this joyous. Only by His redeeming power could my relationship with Him be stronger and fuller. Only by His redeeming power do I now call this my “plan A life!” Not that sin was the right approach—it caused years of pain!—but God is both sovereign and redeeming for those who love Him. Through Christ and Christ alone do I look back with thankfulness, live in present joy, and look forward with eagerness to a life held in the power of redemption. So can you. I pray that you call on Jesus, embrace Him, and experience Him in the same way. Amen.

(continued in "The Power of Redemption - Part 2 - Rejecting Complacency")

Leaving a Pure Legacy

Have you ever desired to leave a legacy behind? To have an impact that outlasts your time with a group, on a team, in a job, or even in life itself? Many of us seek to “live beyond our years,” by impacting the world around us in a permanent way.

These can be noble goals and are certainly realized by those who serve the Lord their God with all of themselves—it is the natural outcome…it cannot be stopped. The issue that I find within myself and that you may find within yourself, as well, is that of desiring my legacy. We have erred immediately upon that thought.

“My Utmost For His Highest,” Feb 5:

ARE YOU READY TO BE OFFERED?

"Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy and rejoice with you all." Philippians 2:17

Are you willing to be offered for the work of the faithful - to pour out your life blood as a libation on the sacrifice of the faith of others? Or do you say - "I am not going to be offered up just yet, I do not want God to choose my work. I want to choose the scenery of my own sacrifice; I want to have the right kind of people watching and saying, 'Well done.'

It is one thing to go on the lonely way with dignified heroism, but quite another thing if the line mapped out for you by God means being a door-mat under other people's feet. Suppose God wants to teach you to say, "I know how to be abased" - are you ready to be offered up like that? Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket - to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister? Some saints cannot do menial work and remain saints because it is beneath their dignity.

Leaving a pure legacy means to leave an impact so centered on God that we are seen as insignificant—that we are seen only long enough for others to then see Christ, and we vanish behind His infinite light and glory. It means impacting the world around us for Christ, such that those who are impacted continue to see Him for eternity, and we are as a speck of dust or “drop in a bucket.” Indeed, that bucket was filled by a great many individual drops and each were chosen by God to play that small part—but me and my little drop have nothing to boast about ourselves. We instead can boast about the One who orchestrated the thousands of little drops like ourselves to fill this metaphorical bucket.

This “bucket” could be leading someone to Christ. Did we do that? Not hardly—we may have been the last drop that filled the bucket, but there were many drops before us paving the way, setting the foundation, filling the bucket. And we as “drops” in this bucket of another Spirit-filled soul merely fell where we were directed. God alone is to be praised for the work of grace for the newfound in Christ!

This “bucket” could be a ministry or volunteer position or opportunity. Again, did we do that? Is it our work that is so amazing? Not at all—it is the Lord’s amazing work that will continue with or without us—we are simply to be overwhelmingly thankful that we have been included! What a truth is this: God will not be deterred—not even by you and I, the stubborn part-time followers, insisting on our own way. Are we so important that if we disobey, the entire world will begin to crumble and all of God’s large and small purposes will not be fulfilled? God is sovereign—He rules all and is not dictated to by His creation. In disobedience, God will go right around you and I, and we will forfeit the glorious opportunity of obedience to His calling this very day. He doesn’t miss out—we do.

I know that you and I will continue to wrestle with the same pride and selfishness that rears its ugly head every time we are given the opportunity to do something for God. We may rightly love the service; but we must stop short of admiring our small little part. Doing so is like being invited to cut the ceremonial ribbon as a mansion’s completion is revealed. We are invited to join the master of the mansion inside, and by cutting the ribbon as he has asked, we have been made a part of all who are brought off the street to enter his mansion. At this point, if we sit and marvel at how well we cut that ribbon, with what skill and smoothness we operated the scissors, we will miss the entire point. This illustration may sound ridiculous—it should. This is how ridiculous we act when we take pride in leaving a legacy of our own, even if it is in doing the Lord’s work. It’s like the ribbon cutter wanting everyone to remember him cutting the ribbon instead of taking part in the celebration of the mansion and those who have been invited, accepting the invitation to live within it. If we don’t cut the ribbon, the master will certainly find another to do it—there would be many eager to take that place, many that would be thankful, and a few that would do it in humility as he desired. It’s not as if our declining to cut the ribbon will stop the mansion from being opened. And it’s not as if we built the mansion or made it possible for those called to enter. We simply did our small little part and can thank the master for allowing us to be even a small part of his purpose for this mansion.

As you may easily see, this mansion is Heaven, the master is God, Jesus is the one who has given the invitations and made a way for us to be there, and we are graciously appointed as ribbon cutters or servants in other parts of this glorious scene. Let’s set our eyes upon the Master, the Mansion, and the Way. Let’s glorify the purpose behind our purpose. Let’s “cut the ribbon” obediently and thankfully, seeking that no one would recognize our cutting—that no one would remember a meager human legacy of our own, but that they would instead immediately look to the Mansion of Heaven and Jesus who welcomes them. If we are successful in leaving a legacy that others see as our own and then exalt us because of it, we are doing them a disservice, for we have distracted them from all that is good…we have traded a glimpse of a perfect, loving God, for that of a self-seeking human.

We cannot go incognito our entire lives and live out the Gospel that we are called to live. Some people will notice us, and we have to realize that. What we do with that focus, and before even that—how we pursue God in service in our hearts, seeking our own legacy or instead seeking to leave His pure legacy—these are the things for which we are accountable.

Many of you may say, “I’m not like that, at least not often. I just don’t think of such things.” Very well, I pray that it is because God has worked within you to refine you daily into such a selfless servant. I speak to the many that say, “That’s me—I am convicted that I am always seeking my own. I desire to be changed.” I desire to be changed, too. Let us look to leave the only Pure Legacy—that of Jesus Christ, our Savior who has rescued the most corrupted hearts, like yours and mine. Let’s finally step up to the plate of humility and actually desire within our hearts in our quite moments of absolute honesty to say sincerely “He must become greater. I must become less” (John 3:30). We can struggle and strive, and still we cannot do even that—ask to become less—on our own. The amazing thing about Jesus and our need of Him is that it is so utterly sweeping that not only can I by no means obtain salvation, only accepting it as freely given from Him, but in addition, once saved, I must continually rely on Him to do any good thing in me. I have to decide to want to be changed, and I have to follow through, but I cannot follow through as a matter of pure self-will. I can ask God to change me, and I can will to ask Him, but I must have Him come in, set up shop, and begin to do the changing. And even the desire to be changed is found in the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: 9 of sin, because they do not believe in Me; 10 of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; 11 of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. – John 16:8-11

How utterly helpless and condemned we are on our own—for we cannot even repent from our sins without His conviction. We need Him to even know that we need Him. He has made it such that all can see and know that He is God, then we need Him to respond to our conviction and cry for help, then we need Him to refine us into the servants He and we desire to be. Jesus said in John 15:5, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” Apart from Him I can do only evil. Apart from Him I will not even know I am evil and will spiral straight to Hell. But with Him, I am convicted. With Him I am saved. With Him I am transformed. With Him, I have no legacy of my own. With Him I am made a part of His pure legacy. With Him, the same is true for you. Forever. Amen.

Radical Faith, Greatest Joy

Check out the "My Utmost" for Oct 23: http://www.myutmost.org/10/1023.html

Here is a quote that I find most powerful and deep reaching:

“How are we going to get the life that has no lust, no self-interest, no sensitiveness to pokes, the love that is not provoked, that thinketh no evil, that is always kind? The only way is by allowing not a bit of the old life to be left; but only simple perfect trust in God, such trust that we no longer want God's blessings, but only want Himself. Have we come to the place where God can withdraw His blessings and it does not affect our trust in Him? When once we see God at work, we will never bother our heads about things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in Heaven Whom the world cannot see.”

Firstly, can you even imagine life so refined by God that you have no lust or no self-interest? No sensitiveness to “wrongs,” or unprovokable love? I can hardly fathom it. But we’re working our way there by God’s grace.

Secondly, would our faith be tested and revealed so strong as it currently seems or appears if all of God’s blessings were stripped away? All of them. For Job, all was taken but his life, yet he remained faithful. We seek blessing after blessing—at least I have for the longest time—but there is a major difference in seeking gifts vs. seeking the Giver. To think that we’d be content to have daily conversation with God, stripped of every human comfort and physical blessing. To think that quite literally, “My grace is sufficient for you,” and that was literally all we had to cling to (2 Cor 12:9). Few of us have ever truly been there, not to that extent, and honestly, I kind of hope not to be…yet, what a joy must be developed in someone who is led down that path, never forsaking God, continuing to have faith and be sustained by God Himself alone, supernaturally through the presence of His Holy Spirit within us. I don’t think you or I even know what that really means or looks like, for we are so far from it. It makes me consider the following: the man who does not know Jesus and is suffering--he is to be pitied. The man who stands solidly in Christ and is suffering--he is to be envied (in a righteous sense, such that we see his plight as good and desirable). That’s a radical change of thought, but I believe it is true. Understandably, many cannot accept it.

Let's ask ourselves this piercing question today: What would it take for me to trust God with absolute abandonment to the point that all I desire is His presence and grace and nothing else matters? Am I willing to pursue eternal life with Him that way, or am I resigned to always put a little bit of myself above all other things, including my all-powerful, perfectly loving God and Creator?

The Best for the Journey

Imagine you have a son who is 18 years old. You have plans to buy him a reliable car that is also extremely pleasing to him in every way—aesthetically, performance, interior, reliable, easy to maintain, fuel efficient. Now you’re on your way to go get the car that you have picked out for him, and let’s say that you actually know what you’re doing and have picked out the best car possible for him in every way. On the way there, your son sees a bright red (his favorite color on a car) sporty-type car for sale and points it out in exclamation. That’s the car he wants! “Dad, can we get it please?!” You say no, but he insists that you at least take a look. Knowing better, but seeing that he won’t appreciate anything until he is appeased, you go to look at the inferior car…plus, if he’s listened to you growing up, he’ll see what you see anyway, right? It actually looks pretty good, especially from a distance. You notice some exterior inconsistencies, but you’re really concerned about what’s under the hood. This car has 99,000 miles on it. Being a car guy (and since this is hypothetical), you know that the engine on this model breaks down within the first 105,000 miles without exception, most within 100,000 miles. Incidentally, your son is about to set out across the nation and back on a road trip with trusted friends, driving the car you pick out today. That’s a 6,000 mile trip, so you’re guaranteed that this thing is going to break down, and as Murphy’s law would have it, it would probably be on the opposite end of the country. You know this, your son doesn’t. Well, he’s in love. He wants this car. But you say, “no.” He doesn’t understand, but you tell him that you have something better, so much better in mind for him. He doesn’t believe you, or maybe he does, but he’s too mad to admit it. Why couldn’t that dealership be next door?—then he’d only be mad for a couple seconds. Oh, but the drive to the next town over, 50 miles away, is grueling. You hardly talk. In fact, you find your son’s behavior and comments toward you so repulsive, you wonder if you should even buy a car at all! Perhaps cancel his trip! But then, you have patience and understanding, and you continue on your journey with your son.

At last you arrive at the dealership. There she is—bright red, sleek and smooth, excellent condition coupe with only a few miles and a wonderful interior…and under the hood, the most reliable and powerful, fuel efficient engine in its class. Your son is in heaven. “Thank you, Dad!” You both share smiles and he’s almost in tears (not that he’d admit it). He says to you, “Wow, Dad…I had no idea what you had planned for me…I couldn’t have imagined…I can’t believe I fought you over this!”

And that, my friends, is a great picture of us with our Heavenly Father. He, the all-knowing, all-loving, all-patient Father who is looking out for us, doing “infinitely more than we dare to ask or hope for.” (Eph 3:20) He “know[s] the plans [He] has for you, plans for good and not to harm you.” (Jer 29:11) Will we trust Him today? Will we patiently endure the seemingly infinitely long journey to his chosen blessings for us, realizing that they aren’t so long after all? Will we at least ask Him, when we’ve picked out for ourselves what we want in our lives? Will we yield when He says, “no,” and begin to realize that it’s not just for His good, but for ours?! Finally, will we recognize Him as our protector and provider when we have at last received the next reward? I sincerely hope so. That is my prayer for you and myself. Amen.

"Love your neighbor as yourself." An Inconvenient Conviction

Think about Jesus' statement: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt 10:31) It can only be meaningful if the love of ourselves is quite extensive. If we did not love ourselves, then the command would be to not love others, or love them only so much, only as much as we love ourselves. However, I believe the truth is that for the vast majority of us, we have a supreme love for ourselves, to the extent that it is difficult to approach a place where we would love our neighbor so much. A spouse, sibling, parents, children, etc…maybe…I hope so, but look around: even this is only a maybe. But our neighbor—beyond our family—to love them like we love ourselves.

So how much do we love ourselves and how do we show it? Many, many ways, that start with thoughts of ourselves and end in actions. But let’s look at money, for an example. The first step financially as obedient Christ followers is to do our bare minimum duty of tithing 10% (Deut 14:22-29, Lev 14:30-31, Mal 3:8-10).

Mal 3:8-10 – “"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”"

If we obediently tithe, that leaves 90% for us. Most of us would feel good about that, and this obedience does feel good, especially since God rewards that faithfulness—look at v. 10 above. This is the only part of the Bible that I know of where God actually says to test Him. So what if you give an additional 10%? Now you’re giving 20% total, and we’re feeling really good about ourselves. But we’re still spending 80% on ourselves, family members, or saving for us. So what would loving your neighbor as yourself look like with finances? I think if I love my neighbor truly as myself, I would split my income 50/50 and give half of it away to those in need. Wow, what an inconvenient conviction.

But hold on: is that the extent of it? Let’s re-examine how we were loving ourselves: giving 10% and keeping 90%. Hmmm…so loving ourselves resulted in spending 90% on ourselves. So loving others at that level might actually be sharing 90% of our wealth and keeping only 10% for ourselves. Now that seems like a near impossibility for this self-loving man.

2 Cor 9:7 – “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

God loves a cheerful giver, and giving begrudgingly hardly meets both the action and intention of the heart that so pleases God. So I encourage you to find a way to give the maximum you can as a cheerful giver. If that’s 0%, then we’ve got some praying to do. Think about this: the tithe is an Old Testament law. Now realize that Jesus said, "I did not come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Matt 5:17) In the same passage (the Sermon on the Mount), he describes several laws and broadens their application beyond strict legalistic obedience and into our very hearts. Meaning that Jesus came to fulfill both action and intent of the law, which is supreme Love. I think we can apply this easily to tithing and come to understand being a "cheerful giver" through the law being fulfilled by love. So let’s pray together that we would take on the heart to give in love, have the opportunities visible to our sight, and be able to do it joyfully. I long to be able to love my neighbor so joyfully, so fruitfully, so selflessly. I long to love the way Jesus invites us to, the way He loves us. No matter what we do with our finances, let’s look for every opportunity to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Jesus also said, “As I have loved you, so you must also love one another” (John 13:34). Jesus’ love was a perfect love, self-sacrificing to the point of grueling death that you and I might have the chance to be saved…the chance, not even the guarantee, that we would choose to be saved by believing in Him. So after we begin to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, let’s embark on learning to love them as God loves us. This is just the slightest glimpse at how deep God’s love is for us and how much we have to grow. Thank the Lord that He is with us to do the growing, if we’ll only ask Him with a sincere heart. Amen.

Spiritual Sponges

Read the May 16 “My Utmost for His Highest,” and see if it doesn’t convict you:
http://www.myutmost.org/05/0516.html

Excerpt:
“What does it matter if external circumstances are hard? Why should they not be! If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we banish God's riches from our own lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it obliterates God and puts self-interest upon the throne. It opens our mouths to spit out murmurings and our lives become craving spiritual sponges, there is nothing lovely or generous about them.”

This whole thing gets to me, but the imagery of being a craving spiritual sponge really hits me. It is good to become a spiritual sponge…at first. Better to be a sponge than a slab of stone that will not retain any word from God, has no capacity to, and doesn’t want to. The first step is probably to become that craving spiritual sponge. I’ve seen it in new believers, including myself, and it’s beautiful—we realize how dry we are and want to absorb so much!

But we cannot stay there, can we? O.C. says this is the opposite of “lovely or generous,” and I believe he is speaking of the pouring out of the Spirit that was given to us on others. First we are filled, then we become instruments to fill others. God does the filling, but we are instruments in His hands—simply because it pleases Him to have such a oneness by working together with a “like mind” in this way.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." - Philippians 2:1-2

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." - Jesus in John 17:20-26

He doesn’t need us, but His chosen way is to use us because He loves us and it builds intimacy with Him. Perhaps we are most like Him when we in turn share with others what has been shared with us—knowing Christ. What greater gift could God offer, but to beckon us to share even in the slightest of ways something that is like Him—perfect God?! No wonder a God who loves perfectly and “knows how to give good gifts” chooses for us to share with Him in sharing with others (Matt 7:11, Luke 11:13).

Perhaps we are still sponges. Sponges that are so saturated with God that we begin to drip and overflow—as we continue to be filled, we continue to overflow into others so that they might be filled (Luke 6:45, Romans 15:13, 2 Cor 4:15, 9:12, Col 2:7, 1 Thess 3:12, and more). If we are a “craving spiritual sponge,” then we only take—we would not be filled to capacity and cannot flow outwardly. I don’t have any special prescription on how to begin to overflow, other than to know that the Bible speaks volumes about it—it is everywhere—recognition of Jesus as Savior, receiving of grace and the Holy Spirit, and complete surrender to God. We never stop being sponges, but we must look both to receive and to immediately give in spiritual things.

Experiencing God - Dying to Self

Recently, I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, a daily devotional. In the Apr 21 devotional, titled "Don't Hurt the Lord," a few lines really jumped out and convicted me... (http://myutmost.org/04/0421.html)

In talking about our expectations of how God will move in our lives and reveal Himself to us and others, he says, "Other people see the manifestation, the child of God does not. We want to be conscious of God; we cannot be conscious of our consciousness and remain sane."

That is a very deep statement, but after reading it several times and thinking about it, I thought that it might be easiest to relate to the statement with the concept of humility. I've been known to offer the following as a joke: "I am the most humble person I know." I hope you can laugh with me as you realize how contradictory that statement is! But in context of O.C.'s statement above, we need to be conscious of humility, yet not conscious of our consciousness. What I mean is this: the thought should be “I want to be humble in this situation,” not “I know I am being humble in this situation.” Or better yet, just being humble without calling it humble ourselves…doing it naturally without humility being the goal. When you take the thought to the point of calling yourself humble, you are praising yourself and being less humble than you first intended. I wonder if that is the difference between being conscious of something and being conscious of our consciousness of something?

The most convicting statement in that devotional, though, was the following: "If we are asking God to give us experiences, or if conscious experience is in the road, we hurt the Lord."

I often want God to use me, and I ask Him to do so. But how often do we ask with the expectation that we might be used and be ok with never even knowing it? Don’t we usually conceptualize being used by God as some great and wonderful thing—not only for God and for others, but that we might experience it ourselves as we do His work? This may be the way God rewards us most of the time, but how utterly selfless is the request that we might be used by God, while being fully receptive to never even getting to experience it or even knowing it? Think about it: even in my most selfless requests to God for Him to use me in any way that He sees fit, with no regard to my own circumstances or personal desires, even then I almost always have at least a hint of selfishness…because I expect to see the work I am doing for Him, and I expect to be fulfilled by that. Now, it is true that in almost every circumstance those who have utterly sold-out to God and serving Him have had the greatest sense of fulfillment of any men…but that is inconsequential for our requests—it cannot be the motivation, or even the “kicker” that we perceive as good because of personal gain. What if we could place ourselves in such a selfless place that we would be willing to serve God in anything and everything that we do, trusting that He is doing His great things through our work, yet having absolutely no awareness to the good that is coming of it? What if we learned to become so selfless that we would commit to being a tool for God even if we never saw an ounce of fulfillment and success in our work for Him—if our only solace was our trust that He was doing things unseen to us, according to His promises? Wow, I can tell you that I don’t yet know how to make myself that selfless…but I sure would like to work toward it. It sounds grim, it sounds absolutely hard…but I know it is an attitude pleasing to God. And I do know that He loves me so much that He will allow me to share His joy and the fruits of the Spirit He places inside of me—but the struggle is to rid myself of those things as motivation and commit to Him because it is right, simple as that.

For those of us who are young in our faith, dying to self is extremely hard to do, or to even fully comprehend what it means. Jesus says in John 12:24-26, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." Furthermore, Paul says in Galations 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (More in Luke 9:23-25, Mark 8:34-36, Matt 16:24-26)

After you have started dying to worldly desires and sins, then begin to die to your own expectations of the future, then begin to die to what you might do any given day, then begin to die to everything else—there is often something that remains that should die. Even if we have died to self in all other ways and given our lives as service and sacrifice to God (which is a big if, in of itself), for many of us, including myself, there is an expectation of fulfillment through that. That somehow the experience will be fulfilling in of itself. But the very last part of us that we can give up is the expectation that through all of it, every good thing, we might not require such an experience, such a fulfillment…that we might be content to obey God in pure servanthood—that although God doesn’t usually deprive us of the rich joy that comes in serving Him and sharing in His sufferings, we would be willing to commit to Him even if it did require that depravation of joy—wouldn’t that be ultimately dying to self completely? That is what I am trying to communicate, what I know I will likely never comprehend or fully realize as a human on this earth, but what I would like to work toward. There is some comfort here: we know as we serve God and commit our lives to Him, He sends the Holy Spirit and the fruits of that Spirit are a wonderful experience: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galations 5:22-23). And the best news of all: Heaven awaits! Until then, I would like to learn how to embrace this attitude a little bit more every day.