Going too far?

In the Apr 26 devotional of “My Utmost for His Highest,” by Oswald Chambers, he references Abraham, among others, and his obedience to the point of sacrificing his own son with his own hands (http://www.myutmost.org/04/0426.html). Wow, what an amazing commitment to God. When you hear this story, I’ll bet you react somewhat similarly to me: “I wonder if I would have that kind of obedience.” I have always looked at that story as an inspiration and example of how to give up everything to God, and God’s blessing through it. I think that is good and true. But O.C. mentioned something that absolutely floored me: “Abraham was not a devotee of his convictions, or he would have slain Isaac and said that the voice of the angel was the voice of the devil.” Whoa. I instantly realized that I just might have slain Isaac. With the struggle of obedience, I never considered the other side: selling out to your convictions without continually checking them with and listening to God. A devotee to the conviction, instead of a devotee to God. I heard a preacher give a great example once…he said that following God is like riding a horse. God wants you balanced and on the horse. Satan wants you to fall off that horse, and he doesn’t care which way you fall. The point is that in almost every circumstance, we can fall to either side of God’s path. If we commit to obedience and convictions and passions to the point that our commitment is more to the specific convictions than to God who provides them, then we may severely miss out on the glory of God and what He is doing. This devotional has alerted me to take leaps of faith, obey with self-abandon, and follow the passion God places in me—but not to get so focused on the individual leap, obedience, and passion that I fail to hear God’s voice that never ceases to speak and guide me. Otherwise, I might call it the “voice of the devil” and murder the blessing that God wants to give me. Why would I think that God would stop communicating with me after I respond to a strong conviction? Likely, the opposite is true, so our ears must be continually open to Him.

This was so convicting to me…and I love it!

Experiencing God - Dying to Self

Recently, I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, a daily devotional. In the Apr 21 devotional, titled "Don't Hurt the Lord," a few lines really jumped out and convicted me... (http://myutmost.org/04/0421.html)

In talking about our expectations of how God will move in our lives and reveal Himself to us and others, he says, "Other people see the manifestation, the child of God does not. We want to be conscious of God; we cannot be conscious of our consciousness and remain sane."

That is a very deep statement, but after reading it several times and thinking about it, I thought that it might be easiest to relate to the statement with the concept of humility. I've been known to offer the following as a joke: "I am the most humble person I know." I hope you can laugh with me as you realize how contradictory that statement is! But in context of O.C.'s statement above, we need to be conscious of humility, yet not conscious of our consciousness. What I mean is this: the thought should be “I want to be humble in this situation,” not “I know I am being humble in this situation.” Or better yet, just being humble without calling it humble ourselves…doing it naturally without humility being the goal. When you take the thought to the point of calling yourself humble, you are praising yourself and being less humble than you first intended. I wonder if that is the difference between being conscious of something and being conscious of our consciousness of something?

The most convicting statement in that devotional, though, was the following: "If we are asking God to give us experiences, or if conscious experience is in the road, we hurt the Lord."

I often want God to use me, and I ask Him to do so. But how often do we ask with the expectation that we might be used and be ok with never even knowing it? Don’t we usually conceptualize being used by God as some great and wonderful thing—not only for God and for others, but that we might experience it ourselves as we do His work? This may be the way God rewards us most of the time, but how utterly selfless is the request that we might be used by God, while being fully receptive to never even getting to experience it or even knowing it? Think about it: even in my most selfless requests to God for Him to use me in any way that He sees fit, with no regard to my own circumstances or personal desires, even then I almost always have at least a hint of selfishness…because I expect to see the work I am doing for Him, and I expect to be fulfilled by that. Now, it is true that in almost every circumstance those who have utterly sold-out to God and serving Him have had the greatest sense of fulfillment of any men…but that is inconsequential for our requests—it cannot be the motivation, or even the “kicker” that we perceive as good because of personal gain. What if we could place ourselves in such a selfless place that we would be willing to serve God in anything and everything that we do, trusting that He is doing His great things through our work, yet having absolutely no awareness to the good that is coming of it? What if we learned to become so selfless that we would commit to being a tool for God even if we never saw an ounce of fulfillment and success in our work for Him—if our only solace was our trust that He was doing things unseen to us, according to His promises? Wow, I can tell you that I don’t yet know how to make myself that selfless…but I sure would like to work toward it. It sounds grim, it sounds absolutely hard…but I know it is an attitude pleasing to God. And I do know that He loves me so much that He will allow me to share His joy and the fruits of the Spirit He places inside of me—but the struggle is to rid myself of those things as motivation and commit to Him because it is right, simple as that.

For those of us who are young in our faith, dying to self is extremely hard to do, or to even fully comprehend what it means. Jesus says in John 12:24-26, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." Furthermore, Paul says in Galations 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (More in Luke 9:23-25, Mark 8:34-36, Matt 16:24-26)

After you have started dying to worldly desires and sins, then begin to die to your own expectations of the future, then begin to die to what you might do any given day, then begin to die to everything else—there is often something that remains that should die. Even if we have died to self in all other ways and given our lives as service and sacrifice to God (which is a big if, in of itself), for many of us, including myself, there is an expectation of fulfillment through that. That somehow the experience will be fulfilling in of itself. But the very last part of us that we can give up is the expectation that through all of it, every good thing, we might not require such an experience, such a fulfillment…that we might be content to obey God in pure servanthood—that although God doesn’t usually deprive us of the rich joy that comes in serving Him and sharing in His sufferings, we would be willing to commit to Him even if it did require that depravation of joy—wouldn’t that be ultimately dying to self completely? That is what I am trying to communicate, what I know I will likely never comprehend or fully realize as a human on this earth, but what I would like to work toward. There is some comfort here: we know as we serve God and commit our lives to Him, He sends the Holy Spirit and the fruits of that Spirit are a wonderful experience: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galations 5:22-23). And the best news of all: Heaven awaits! Until then, I would like to learn how to embrace this attitude a little bit more every day.

My Grandma: A Eulogy

This is the comfort you can have when your loved ones believe in Jesus Christ, or the comfort you can leave behind when you believe.

"A couple things strike me as I think about Grandma 'Tine. First, of course, are all the great memories of her…all the Thanksgivings and family get-togethers; spending a week on the farm every summer as a young kid: working with Grandpa during the day, a break at 10am for Price is Right, popcorn and sugar cookies, back outside, at some point a game of chess or checkers with Grandpa Bruce (he usually won, but not always!)…and usually some fantastic dinner prepared by Grandma, ever the capable cook. My favorite food was and still is Grandma’s chicken pie. =) I remember her playing the piano at church, I remember her wit and hilarious additions to the conversations around the house—“she left the south, but the south never left her!” I think each of us has our own fond memories, and we are blessed to have shared them with her and with each other.

But quickly, and rightly, my thoughts turn to Heaven. She is there now—do we fully realize that? She is there now and happier than ever. Our loss is her gain, so we can have joy through our sorrow as we realize that truth. As wonderful as her life on earth has been—look at the fruit of her life with Grandpa Bruce! Most of us here are the fruit of her life, either through pure genetics, or at least through the impact she has had on our lives, continues to have, and will continue to have. The Bible clearly says that when Grandma 'Tine married Grandpa Bruce, they became one flesh(1). After a long, fruitful marriage, a few years ago their flesh was separated by physical death. She was so strong to live on—to know her was to know her strength. Yet, as of this week, she is reunited with Grandpa Bruce, and even more gloriously, she is united with God in Heaven. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work…if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” A three-fold cord. I have heard marriage described as a cord that is threefold: husband, wife, and God. Well, today that three-fold cord is closer than ever, for all three reside together in the joy of Heaven.

I think that although she may not have consciously thought about it often, Grandma 'Tine has been awaiting this day for 89+ years. She is home now. And she has been a blessing in her time here with us. Until we join her in our eternal Home, let us live in a way that would honor her and honor our God."

1 – Genesis 2:24, Mathew 19:5, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31

Hope and Loss

In this life, I feel at times like I have lost so much. So many dreams and ambitions, so many things that were once mine and are no longer mine. So many things that I might think of as my right as a human being. But at this point, my thoughts need revision. Truthfully, I have no right to anything physical and therefore have lost nothing.

What do I have a right to? A job, a house, food, healthcare, friendship, marriage, children, a standard of living? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. None of those things, nor anything else quantified in the physical world, do I have a right to. Rather, anything which I aspire to attain or have been blessed with is a gift from God (James 1:17, Matt 7:11). These were not mine to begin with, and I have no claim, no argument, no right to any of it. The difference is in attitude. Do you have an attitude of entitlement or an attitude of thankfulness for the multitude of blessings in your life? I can tell you that the latter is the correct one, though I do not possess it often enough.

Have you experienced some recent setbacks? So have I. And I have experienced even more setbacks as I tally them up from years past. But at the same time, if I will allow myself to focus on the positive, I find countless blessings. And as I focus on the setbacks, I am struck with the realization that the things that I “lost” were what I perceived to be good for me—things that I wanted and wanted badly. Things that even society as a whole would commend me for aspiring toward and would consider them “rights.” But society as a whole is wrong here. I have no claim on what my life should be like tomorrow or in 50 years—who am I to choose who I will be, what I will do, and whom I will know? The truth is that I must rid myself of those thoughts of selfishness and let God do the choosing and choreographing.

So what is disappointment? What is false hope? I have hoped for many things that just did not come to fruition. I have worked hard for these things and have done everything within my human power to attain them, and I have even consulted God through prayer that it might be done according to His will. Romans 5:5 says that “hope does not disappoint” (also see Isaiah 49:23). I have hoped in those things and I have been disappointed. So something has to give.

I am actually convicted by the very words I just wrote: “I have hoped in those things and I have been disappointed.” “I have hoped in those things.” “…in those things.” You see, my hope is not to be “in those things,” my hope is to be in God, His divine and perfect will, and in His perfect love for me and you. This is the hope that does not disappoint which is referred to in the Bible. My focus has been on physical things and not on God’s purpose. My focus was as such: “This is my will that I think can be used for Your will, God.” Rather, it should be “I am committed to your good and perfect will, God, that I may conform mine and change my entire list of desires, abandoning all that I consider good in my own flawed judgment.” From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers: “If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled.” Noble—in the purest sense of the word.

Instead of questioning God in our disappointment, how powerful is our growth in relationship with God when we run to Him, beckoning Him to set us straight so that we might not bear the pain of our own poor judgment and separation from His holy, perfect plan. When our desires are His desires, our hope is His hope, and all things we hope for we will see.

Knowledge is not the answer. Obedience, patience, trust, and love for our Father are the answer. If we have these things, we quickly realize that knowledge is inconsequential. I caught myself praying and saying to God, “Lord, if I only knew…” If I only knew exactly what He wanted here and there…if I only just knew right now, I could go ahead and start out in the right direction. If I only had that knowledge! But as I was thinking that, I realized it was in error. First of all, we do know. We have the Bible, His Word, to guide us unto all things that please and displease Him. We can apply those things this very day, in this very moment. And beyond that, for specific events in the future, not only could we not handle knowledge of the future, whether partial or full, but that knowledge actually does not achieve the purpose. Upon receiving such knowledge, my focus undoubtedly would turn to myself and how I would be affected, instead of God's glory. And almost undoubtedly, I would attempt to change or at least tweak just one little thing. Even if my motives were altruistic, attempting to change it would defy the purpose of my asking and receiving the knowledge from God. Was my request not to have foresight in order to obey? It was, and if obedience is a key issue—oh, and it is—then let’s examine it: Obedience, through patience, trust and love for God requires absolutely no foreknowledge of any specific events. Therefore my request for knowledge in order to obey…is void. My request must instead be for patience, trust, and love shared between me and My Father.

In the end, I have lost nothing. Everything I have, everything I am, everything I have experienced…if there is any good in any of it, it is a gift from God. I have nothing that was not given to me and have lost nothing that was my own, even my very life itself (1 Cor 6:19-20, Job 10:12). I am an eternal being, yet a temporary tenant in a temporary vessel, whose purpose is serving and glorifying my God. The only true loss would be losing the opportunity to serve, praise, glorify, and mutually love our Creator…and even that is a gift, one I am thankful for, and one that I hope to have forever. This is hope that will never disappoint.

The Cure

Loved Ones,

I have not always had a relatable answer to those who might ask me why I witness. And that has led to timidity. But there is a good answer that I think most people will relate to, even those who are not yet saved:

“Why do you witness? Why do you feel compelled to share your faith?”

These are questions that I have heard asked of those who actively share Christ with those around them. And often the question is not good-hearted…often it is asked with a tone of annoyance or even resentment. Why many of the world assume this attitude is a good topic for conversation, but right now I am more focused on our response to the question.

Consider Tim Tebow. It’s funny that at the mention of his name, if you know about him and who he is, you probably just had a reaction inside. If you don’t like the Florida Gators, that’s one thing (I am not a UF fan by any stretch of the imagination). But most have a reaction because he openly professes Christianity and seeks to share it with so many. He and other collegiate football players can be seen on TV on Saturdays with scriptural references on their eye-black strips below their eyes. I think that is awesome. I have heard that on Saturday, the number one Googled Bible scripture is the one on Tim Tebow’s face. If that’s true, it is absolutely awesome. Whatever the impact, people are seeking God’s Word through open and public witnesses such as these.

But many have a great disdain for Tim Tebow. I have heard many say almost these exact words: “He is a great college football player, I’ll give him that, but I can’t stand him because he pushes his faith on other people. If there’s a place for that, it’s not on the football field.” First of all, what is “pushing your faith” on someone? I believe Tim and others share their faith and the pushing that the individual feels as a result is the Holy Spirit!

I wish I was personally asked the question, “Why do you feel like you need to witness to me?” Even if the attitude is combative—because that would mean that I was actively witnessing. But nevertheless, I have considered the question. Why do I feel like I need to witness? The truth is this:

Consider the following situation: you and your entire family have cancer, for which there is no known cure. You are all dying together. One day you happen upon the cure. You did not create the cure, and likely someone else shared it with you, but you have happened upon the cure and you are cured—cancer removed! What do you do next? Certainly, you will share it immediately with everyone you know, especially your family who is dying of the cancer! How can you keep that to yourself? You can’t, and you share it with them because you love them and want them to have life.

The truth is that every single one of us on earth does have a cancer. This cancer is sin—separation from God that results in death to our souls. We are doomed without a cure. But one day, someone shared the Cure with me and I am free of it! God is the Good Doctor who discovered/created the Cure…but we have to go to see the Doctor to receive the Cure. He is there with it, beckoning us just to come to Him to receive it. But how will we go to the Doctor if we don’t first realize that we need to? We must first realize that we have the disease, then we must realize that there is a Cure, and we must recognize Who holds that Cure. Finally, we must go to the Doctor to receive the Cure—and then it’s all over—we’re cured. The Doctor Himself even comes right to us, but we must still allow Him to administer the shot that will cure us—He has done all the work and we simply have to accept Him and His Cure.

The example above contains 4 steps. Recognize your sin, recognize that you can be saved from sin, recognize that God through Jesus Christ is your salvation, and finally accept Him and go right to Him for forgiveness. The Cure is Jesus Christ, His willing and sacrificial death for us on the cross, and His resurrection and defiance of death as we know it. This is possible through His unending, boundless, perfect love for us, His creation.

If you have not experienced that yet, I encourage you to do it right away and accept the wonderful cure available to you. If you have experienced Him, you know just how amazing it is. How can we keep that to ourselves? How can we not share with everyone we meet? We are all part of the same family, after all. Let's help bring our family to God for the cure of salvation.

Amendment (4/23/10) - Great verse that sums up our approach: 1 Peter 3:15 - "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..."